I want to tell you a little bit about myself, and how Fountain House has helped me. I’ve never shared this before, but I think I am ready now.
I grew up all over New York City and Westchester, going from foster family to foster family until finally I was adopted.
My family and teachers thought I had ADHD in high school. I was a wild child. No one knew how to deal with me, and I didn’t know how to handle myself. Took a lot of risks for someone my age. My mind wasn’t clear or focused. I had no sense of direction and no guidance either. I was doing things that no kids should be doing or be subjected to to begin with.
My family wanted me out. They were breaking down all around me. I made the decision early on that I had to raise myself. I was sent to Linden Hill School, a special school in Westchester County, for kids with behavioral problems. I graduated with several awards, which I still have today.
I became too old to stay at Linden Hill and went to a supervised residence in Brooklyn. I had no plan for me to go to college. Every other month I was going into the hospital. Doing drugs, alcohol, hanging around people dealing. The residence had me on so many different meds and with changing diagnoses; they tried to make money off my Medicaid. I was forced to live under a religion that wasn’t my own. I was subjected to insults from staff and residents – forced to stay there because I had no knowledge of my direction and no support. I attempted suicide.
I had no food, no money, no meds. I had thought about wandering into a birthday party at McDonald’s, but something told me to stay on the sidewalk. I saw a man and said, “I need someone to help me.” The Fountain House reach-out team had found me.
I had always been attracted to Manhattan – the lights, the energy. I left. Took the train. Didn’t care what I had to lose. I was delirious and under great emotional stress. I thought I could find an old friend who lived in Hell’s Kitchen, but couldn’t. I stayed on the streets for a couple of days. I know that I was very fortunate. Thank god it wasn’t six months or Winter. But I still thought it was the best decision for my ultimate survival.
I had no food, no money, no meds. I had thought about wandering into a birthday party at McDonald’s, but something told me to stay on the sidewalk. I saw a man and said, “I need someone to help me.” The Fountain House reach-out team with staff worker Melvin Andersen had found me.
They gave me a bag of food and I went with them in the van. I stayed at a local drop-in center. Went in and out of there a couple times until I ended up at a shelter. And Melvin Andersen -- my guardian angel – again found me there. Don’t know how, but he did.
I had my last hospitalization before coming to Fountain House. It was the most peaceful hospitalization I had. The staff at Payne Whitney cared for me. After I got out, I became a member in 1999 and moved into the women’s dorm run by Fountain House on 37th Street. Another member, Anne, had introduced me to Fountain House. The first time I came to the clubhouse, I thought it was some type of mansion or something. At first, I worked in the Snack Bar, then in the Housing Unit.
I have people here who I look up to, and people who look up to me and rely on me for advice. And I’ve learned more how to listen and to support others and be supported. I can be as real as I can be here. When I was a kid, I was always a follower – now I’ve started to become a leader.
Now I run housing meetings, where we discuss how to find other members safe, affordable housing. I want to go to college in the near future to study religion.
I recently married a man I met at Fountain House, Joe, and we just had our first baby - a healthy baby boy. We recently moved into a two-bedroom apartment near Fountain House and are working on making a home for our family. Money is stressful at times, but we manage the best way we can. I am lucky because I have a lot of people that support and care about me here.
